Out of Control!

I hate it when I believe that I have learned something, only to discover later that there was a whole new level to learn! Amazingly, walking with the Lord is like a video game. We learn things in echelons. Once I’ve beaten one level of the game, He moves me to the next! Like the character in the game has no control of going to the next level, neither do we.
First, I believed that I completely understood how much I wasn’t in control. I had finally and happily released to the Lord control of every minor detail of my life. The house, my career, my pregnancy, my husband in Iraq, my family in the States. Yep, I thought for sure I was holding onto nothing. Then I held my wee son for the first time. As I gapped at how amazing God was that He would bless us with this perfectly healthy amazing son I realized that he was out now. Out in this evil and destitute world where there existed people who would try to harm him in a myriad of ways I couldn’t fathom and didn’t want to. There were germs that I couldn’t see or fight against. There were cars on the road, wars in other countries and there was a famine in Africa! All the horrible things came crashing in on me and I couldn’t stop them. He would learn about them and see them, he would be hurt in this life - physically and emotionally. There was nothing I could do to stop it. The horror of that realization sent me to my knees(figuratively as I had had an epidural and couldn’t feel my knees). I had to trust in the Lord with the safety of my son! God had given our son to us but we had to give him back.
Secondly, there is that phrase perpetual prayer. Or as it is put in 1 Thessalonians:

The Holy Bible, New International Version. Pradis CD-ROM:1Th 5:16.
1Th 5:16 Be joyful always;
1Th 5:17 pray continually;
1Th 5:18 give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.

I definitely want to do this verse. I want to walk in the joy of the Lord so that for my kids I am consistent and able to help them through what ever circumstance we face as a family and they face as growing individuals of free will. I want to do this verse so that no matter what is going on in our life my husband can depend on me and the fact that my walk with the Lord means I won’t be running from hard things.
Finally, at least for this week. There is faith. I was sure I had it. Not the mustard seed of faith because I hadn't gotten the Lord to move Everest into my back yard yet, but I thought I had a lot. I realized that at the first cry of this gift from the Lord that what I had was no where near enough! I had been asking the Lord to increase my faith since I was about 14/15. I remember my pastor at the time, Pastor Scott Carlson, telling me in one of his sermons that if you pray for your faith to be increased, stand by! The Lord will move mountains and you to answer that prayer. As I had to go to the Lord for more faith due to Mark Jr.‘s debut I looked over the last 15 years. God had been answering my prayer all along. My faith in Him has been growing. I required faith to leave all that I knew and loved to join the Marines because I felt that was where the Lord wanted me. I required more faith to wait for four years on the love of my life, believing that the Lord had meant for us to be together. I required yet more faith when the Lord escorted my husband to Iraq and then yet more to be pregnant and alone. Then finally, as if He placed the cherry on top, He gave me this tiny fragile gift that would demand more faith in the Lord, he would demand that I remain on my knees perpetually in prayer before the Lord. This little one would demand of me agape love and patience, long suffering, gentleness, kindness. My prayer for faith had been answered and was being answered for the last 15 years. I rapidly commenced praying for the fruits of the Spirit to grow in my life as I was going to need more than five a day to be a good parent to our children! I believe that the Lord will spend the next 30 years or so answering this prayer . . .
The Holy Bible, New International Version. Pradis CD-ROM:Gal 5:22.
Gal 5:22-23 But the fruit u of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law.

Thank God that He is faithful to answer our prayers and thank God that He gave us the privilege to talk to Him in this manner. Until next time . . .pray!