Bumps in the Road, Road Trip Part 3

Obstacles, flat tires, dead end roads, annoying traffic back ups and detours, yes, these bumps in the road trip are out there by the 1000s and it is no different in life. We plan to go in one direction but life seems to drag us in another, we have two choices, bitterness or go with it and look for the good!
I remember once going on a road trip with Mark and he would not stop for anything! Not real food(I had to live on nuts and berries from a wee cooler on the passenger side floor board), not the bathroom(I just had to hold it!), not for anything but crabs and that the car needed gasoline. Needless to say, I loathed the trip, we had only road tripped in Britain before, a tiny island not more than 4 hours to anywhere really, so I had no idea of his penchant for going until I wanted to scream! In fact, it was so horrible that I remember little else from that trip! I spent the whole time angry, not once thinking that I had a captive audience I could have talked his ear off or sung it off. I could have listened to my tunes and relaxed and thought about deserts and very very dry places until the car ran out of gas. I could have read my Bible(except that probably would have made me car sick). But, you see my point, the obstacle of Mark not stopping got me so focused on him not stopping that when ever I think of that trip, that is the first thing that comes to mind! Silly, Dani! That is exactly what we can do to this wonderful gift of life God has given us.
Mark and I love each other immensely, we want to be together, and this is odd for most married couples nowadays. I thank God for him daily and we have been married for six years! 3.5 years of that we have been apart! That is not counting a few absences here and there. We are flat sick of it and are striving to make it different but every turn means more waiting. I could fixate on that, hold onto that frustration, pet it, love it and call it Crap, but I wouldn’t notice all the wonder that is our life! We get to go and visit him in new places! I have Joshua and I get to be a homemaker! I have a dog that I get to take to work with me every day because I’m a homemaker! How freakin’ cool is that? I love my home, my land and my car! I love my neighbors and I love my friends! I have so many cool things going on with my church and so much fun with Mary Kay! How could I be blind to all that? Easily enough; simply fixate on the bad, on the absence of the love of my life. I am a firm believer that you will reflect what your mind loves on. Another words, what do you think about when you have nothing to really think about. In those times it is the most dangerous for our hearts!
The Holy Bible, New International Version. Pradis CD-ROM:Mt 15:19.

Mt 15:19 For out of the heart come evil thoughts, murder, adultery, sexual immorality, theft, false testimony, slander. d
So what should we do when our mind starts to wander and we find it wandering to everything that is negative and we commence the poor me party!
First, remember that Jesus did not spare Himself hardships. He didn’t have a bed onto which he could lay his head and he roamed ceaselessly for three years and then died a HORRIBLE death; now grant it He rose again three days later. However, couldn’t He have taken a more cushy route, certainly, but He did not spare Himself. He stayed on His road trip with ALL of its obstacles to the bitter end to save us! Considering that helps me get a right perspective on my painful circumstances.
Secondly, I remember Noah, Abram and Jacob. Think about the road blocks these folks had in their lives! Noah had a huge boat to construct in the middle of the desert, then all these animals to care for and was on a boat for a year – then he could go on with his life. Abram was separated from his family and told to go to another far off land and he went, but he moved around constantly and was told he would have a child. While he tried to do things to fix his childless status (the Arab Nation) he couldn’t do it, God removed the obstacle and then Abraham went about raising Isaac. And Jacob, that poor man had to work for 14 years to get the wife he wanted and then she wouldn’t get pregnant and became very bitter and angry with Jacob! Talk about a case of the grass being greener on the other side! These are people that God chose to have a relationship with, to talk with and share in His plan with! I want to have a tight relationship with Him, doesn’t that mean that I should expect life’s circumstances to shape me as it did the forefathers?
Finally, I start making a list of everything that is right and wonderful in my life and thanking God for them one by one. When I am done I have God’s peace again and I know that He will fix Mark and I’s separateness in His time. Until then, Mark and I have to bloom where we are planted, we have to focus on Him and wait on Him. We have to trust in Him and know that His ways are not our ways! That is hard, so hard and we are not perfect at it. However, I strive to stay on my knees before the Lord and in His word. I race to church on the weekends for Mass, even when I am out of town because I need Jesus to get through this road trip called life. The fact of the matter is, Mark and I will be together again and then there will be another flat tire on this road trip, so we have to keep abiding in Him and then He will abide in us!
Until next time, you do that too!

Passengers on this Road Trip Part 2

Many times I've heard the saying "You can pick your friends but not your family." How true is that? They should also add "or your workmates." It is always interesting to me that no matter what your occupation or family location in life you can never distance yourself completely from people who would hurt you or just annoy the heck out of you.

I've even gone so far as to think that if I could hand pick my family, friends and workmates, life would be grand! Then I thought about the most perfect road trip I'd ever gone on and my only traveling companion was Tigger, my Staffordshire Bull Terrier. She didn't complain about wrong turns, she didn't complain about frequent stops, she didn't talk incessantly and when we walked 33 miles in two days, she just kept walking. It was a wonderful weekend but there were things missing. She didn't tell me funny stories, or cause me to expand my compassion or endurance level. She didn't challenge my understanding of the universe based on her viewpoints. The very fact that she just went along with me meant that I didn't have a chance of growing as a person.

People in my life who drive me nuts or hurt me are the first people I try to push away. Once successful I think, aww, those that remain are perfect but my tolerance level recedes and suddenly one of the in crowd is annoying, I withdraw and the cycle repeats! Now in case you start thinking that I warrant staying in an emotionally or physically abusive situation, I do not and I want to clear that up right now. However, those that are guilty of minor infractions are everyone because everyone is human and sooner or later they will disappoint and a road trip alone is no fun, and it is the same with life! So, deciding that we don't want to walk through life alone what to do about those in our life who are like sand between our toes?

A friend once explained to me that those people in your life who cause discomfort are the very ones that God is using to make you more like Jesus. For a long while I thought that was nonsense! However, I thought I would take a look at Jesus workmates and family to see if He had anybody that if I were Him(you know, able to know everything) I would have said, "Yeah, this isn't going to work out . . " and walked on by. Jesus knows the hearts of all men so He knew all of his constituents before hand and fully, better than they themselves. So who did He pick for His road trip?

The first obvious oversight was Judas, that is a no brainer, the guy that was going to betray me to death, with a kiss no less! I would have walked right by him.

Secondly, there would have been the power hungry Zebedee brothers and their mother who asked for the best seat in the new kingdom, seriously, Jesus is going to get crucified soon and she is worried about seating! I would have kept walking.

Thirdly, Mary, His dearest mother, if she had pushed me into making wine before my time, I would have said, "Do you know who I am, God's son, the only one? You can't push me around . . ." And poof my Mom would be outta here! But He didn't in all the above cases He loved them and honored His earthly mother!

I kept going through each disciple and I came up with at least one reason for each, Peter would deny me, John is too clingy and so on and so forth. How much lonelier would the Lord have been if He had gotten rid of all those that hurt Him or annoyed Him. But Jesus used all of them. Mary's wine demand to start His public ministry, Peter to start His church, John to give us His mother and even Judas to consummate the Passover. And just like He used all of them in His life so it is with ours!

Those people that rub us wrong or hurt our feelings or pride(we all have that in abundance some call it honor) can make us better if we give the situation to God to redeem it and love anyway. I've actually had people that I hated and when I started praying for them and trying to run to God with He not only redeemed the situation but I became friends with the people.

We love to think that we are the best person on this road trip! The victims of heartache and pain by horrible people but how can we say that when we are all sinners. I once heard a pastor who I don't remember the name of say, "We are like thieves, found guilty and sent to a prison of thieves. On our first night in someone steals our favorite book and we say, you horrible thief you stole from me!" I died laughing to hear that! Yes, we are all passengers on equal footing. There is not first class on this ride!

So we can't pick who we ride with, how do we cope in love with these people? Go to our knees and stay there. Distance ourselves when we have to in order to deal with our own hearts because you can't change other people or give them rules on how they can interact with you, you have to deal with your own issues and heart! Think of ourselves like St. Paul did - the greatest sinner and the lowliest person. Jesus washed the feet of his disciples, WASHED THEM! The God of the universe, WASHED the feet of His less than perfect, hurtful and at times annoying passengers on His ride! So how can we not?

What I have learned is if someone hurts me, annoys me or makes me angry I should go to my knees! Tell the Lord how hurt I am and never lash back, in rage at being wrongly accused and baggage being dumped on me. I have lashed out and lost loved ones as a result. Is that the answer? I don't think so, should I be walked on? No, but I should respond in Christ and in love not out of wounded pride and bent noses! So I pray for the situation and the person. Everything about the person, family, finances and walk with the Lord, worklife and happiness. Everything I hope people are praying for me and my heart starts to change! Suddenly, I have so much love for that person because God is giving me that love and they don't seem so hurtful or annoying - they are God's child too and I want them to enjoy this ride too! Who knows, I might even loan them my iPod for part of the journey!

++Note: If a relationship(blood or friendship) is riddled with rules, regulations, manipulations and essentially a emotionally abusive or physically abusive one it is not the kind of hurts or annoyances I am talking about here - NOT at ALL! In those cases, I myself go in full retreat but maintain praying for them.

Enjoying the Ride Part 1

When I was a kid and we were planning a road trip – long or short, it didn’t matter –the anticipation was great. I would dig out my road trip bag and pack an outfit and a book and thought that was good. My morning of the road trip was littered with exasperation from my mother when I was so excited I couldn’t eat and needed cheese to calm me down, only to get sick 2 minutes before walking out the door. 15 minutes after we left the drive way I would say,
“Mom, I’m starving!” She would say,
“You should have eaten before we left.” I would say,
“I tried but it left.” She would sigh and we would go to McDonald’s. Both my parents believed this to be an evil ploy on my part to eat out but fed us anyway. Funny, now that I look back, they always got something to eat too! Everyone stopped thinking it was an evil ploy when this feature carried into my marriage, I just get too darned excited!
Did I mention my packing? To my mother’s exasperation yet again, when we would arrive and I had one outfit we would have to go somewhere to buy one more. Again, the assumption was that I did this to get new clothes. That was much to complicated a scheme for me, nope, I was just so focused on the destination and how wonderful it was that I could not get myself to focus on the planning and preparation for the destination. While I am getting better, I have to for my son, I still do this!
On the actual road trip we only stopped for gas so you better go while we’re there. That meant never seeing a point of interest on the way. Never stopping to see something that might be obscure but neat! These opportunities for enriching the journey are often overlooked by people not just my family. It is like driving Route 66 and never stopping ANYWHERE!
Then there was getting lost. I will never forget the hilarity of one getting lost occasion. My dad would “sometimes” not listen to my mother’s directions,(to his credit this could be dodgy at times) saying,
“You can’t read a map.” But every trip he would give her the map and every trip he would not listen to her and every trip we got lost at least once. This time it was on a Turnpike in IL going to Chicago. In my child sleepy haze – I was 4 – I remember mom laughing in the dark and asking,
“Is there something you want to stop and take a closer look at on this Turnpike? This is the sixth go round? I keep telling you to get off here!” Then her laughter resumed as Dad said,
“I keep telling you that is wrong!” And he drove past it a seventh time, on the eighth pass he took the exit and we were saved! How funny not to listen to the person with the map!
Once we would finally arrive I would be so excited for the first hour. Running around seeing everything new! Where would I sleep? Where would we eat? Is there stuff to do outside? After all that I would settle on the couch and have a distinct moment of, this is it? Home is better but I’ll enjoy what I can! I would sigh deeply and go get my book for a bit of reading before the next adventure, sometimes missing out on the wonder of the new spot.
It was amazing when at 31 I realized that I was living like I took road trips. I was even more shocked to realize that life as a Catholic is not only a road trip extremely focused on the destination of heaven but also one focused on the journey with God in the driver’s seat. So how does one go about this road trip called life and enjoy the ride?

What is the plan?
Well, no good road trip can be had without a plan. However, if the plan is too detailed it is so oppressive of a journey that no one can enjoy it. Ask anyone who has ever been on the military equivalent of a road trip – a convoy – and they’ll let you know all about too detailed plans for road trips.
So it is with life. If you over plan that means you leave no room for God to move you. Not giving Him that liberty in your heart will mean the obstacles and course changes in your journey can make you hard hearted. If you have a heart of stone you will not let God drive on your road trip and it will only get worse. I once had such a detailed plan for life and it was all MY plan! Mark just needed to get out of the military and get a civilian job like I had. We would work from 8 to 5, never have kids, have lots of money, travel the whole world and then die. Sounds pretty great if you are talking to someone with no relationship with Jesus and during that time in my life that would be an apt description. Thank God, He physically removed the wheel from my hands. I had become so angry with my schedule and Mark’s schedule never coinciding and so angry with the Army for TDYs that this rage not only affected my friendships, work relationships and family relationships, it also drastically affected my marriage. Mark hardly touched me and it mattered little to me if he did. I weighed more than I had my whole life and could barely breath to climb stairs thanks to smoking. Marlboros became a past time I indulged in more and more to suppress the beast.(My pet name for the rage threatening to destroy me: its container) Nothing was following my plan! Finally, I got a break and a promotion that put Mark and I on the same schedule. That same week, Mark got orders to Bragg then to Iraq for the next 15 months! Needless to say the sound of my heart of stone exploding into a million pieces as I crumpled to my knees in rage and anger at the Lord for letting it happen was audible! How could He so destroy my plans? I had a timeline and everything! I went to church most Sundays, how could He do this? Weren’t there an abundance of horrible people needing a beating, why beat me? Three years and four months later there is a light at the end of the tunnel of our separation and I cannot enumerate all the wonderful things that God has done in our hearts, minds and lives! I will tell you that it is nothing less than a miracle and we now plan to serve the Lord with our lives, we plan the day to day and we plan to have to replan often as God guides us. Dr. Alan Shreck says it best in his book The Essential Catholic Catechism,
“Thus it is that Jesus can call all his followers to have a profound yet childlike trust in their Father in heaven, in divine providence guiding all things finally to the good and to the perfection of His plan.”(67)
Like the road trips with my parents, I just had to trust they would get us there. I had to trust the destination was good because I’d never been. Sometimes I felt we were never getting there but in the end it was great!
It is hard not to have a detailed plan. Everything about our world pushes us to do it from as young as 3 years old. So I remind myself daily of these two verses:

The Holy Bible, New International Version. Pradis CD-ROM:Jer 29:11.
For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

The Holy Bible, New International Version. Pradis CD-ROM:Ro 8:28.
And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.

Until next time, abide in Him and He will in you and hand over the wheel with prayer!