Thank God He keeps us growing!

Never Foresaking: A change in Perspective.

How dumb and insipid was I that for a moment I believed that Mark and I's relationship had been intimate before Iraq over cigarettes, beer and swearing? Are those the three words I would use to describe us and our relationship before Iraq? Heavens no, there was morning coffee and camping! There were long drives and the talks that happened on them? Adventures of a million kinds, why had I become so blind to that? Because I was focused on the death of fleshy Dani not on the butterfly I was becoming! Our relationship was so much deeper than that and since coming back it has continued to blossom into that flower I love resting on in the glorious sun! How much I had become so focused on the differences in myself and our relationship that I did not see the beauty of the metamorphisis. I am human so naturally I wanted it all to stay the same forever, no matter how much that would have meant my heart staying hard and closed off as is was back then!

The smack in the head came when I got the first speeding ticket of my life, that I have blogged about previously. When I told my husband on the phone, he cracked some joke about it had me laughing in no time flat. How Mark can always make me laugh! We talked about the ticket and the story around it and laughed at the I wish I could have said that phrases! Then we went on to talk about his day and what it was like. Then we laughed about Joshua bumping his head as he took a flying lesson in how not to crawl forward. We talked and talked and then it was time to say good bye! I did not want to get off the phone, it wasn't like the last two weeks where I struggled for conversation and there was none, it had been a lull. Lulls are okay, they are normal and I have to let them wash over me. Sometimes there is nothing new to share, just a quick I love you and miss you is all that is necessary.

I realized that I had lost perspective. I had forgotten that we were going to go camping when he wasn't on his buisness trip. That we were going to take family outings to the beach to play in the water and the sand. The biggest thing that I forgot was morning coffee. The time we try to wake up before Joshua does and sip coffee together and discuss the night and the coming day. I get to bring him his coffee in bed(he brings me breakfast in bed when I need him too, what a sweety) and we chat over life, love, liberty and the prusuit of happiness. hehe

God taught me through the little sioree with the local swine that I had lost focus, I had forsaken not only my first love, the Lord, too busy traveling apparently. That I had forsaken the sweetest moments for focusing on the lesser ones! Reading the daily My Utmost for His Highest( http://www.rbc.org/utmost/index.php ) I remembered that as much as God isn't going to forsake me, no matter how busy I am on my travels He isn't going to forsake me when I am floundering in my new career. As He isn't going to forsake me, I cannot forsake the sweetest moments by getting distracted by the hard or uncertain moments of my life!

I love my husband more than words can say and his patience with me as I floundered through this adjustment period(and I'm sure I may flounder some more) just speaks volumes about him as a man! Not only a wonderful husband but a wonderful father, taking care of me and Joshua like we are his royal family, I his queen and Joshua his princely son! I know that he will never forsake us either because he is as sure as the sun! I thank God every day for my family and pray continually for the Lord to keep me on track so I can be the best for them!