Mother Mary, what a woman!

You probably spent the week wondering how on earth Catholicism taught me how wonderful it is to be a woman! So let me clear up that matter and a few other things. As some of my readers are not Catholic, allow me to explain Mary’s place in the world of a Catholic. From there, you will see how Mary taught me the beauty of being a woman! Finally, it was motherhood that was the icing on the cake!

Catholics do not worship Mary I love her as a mother. Catholics love her as our mother because Jesus gave her to us as our mother. Mary said, “Yes!” to the Lord and in so doing brought us life! Thank you, Mommy Mary! So Jesus gave her to us too!

Jn 19:25 Near the cross of Jesus stood his mother, his mother’s sister, Mary the wife of Clopas, and Mary Magdalene.
Jn 19:26 When Jesus saw his mother there, and the disciple whom he loved standing nearby, he said to his mother, “Dear woman, here is your son,”
Jn 19:27 and to the disciple, “Here is your mother.” From that time on, this disciple took her into his home.

The disciple is not named because Jesus was talking to all of us. We are to take her into our home, every one of us. Love her and care for her as we would our mothers. If we are rubbish at loving our mothers we need to do better because they are our earthly practice for Mary. Catholicism holds a huge regard for women and they are equal but not the same. Christ called men to be apostles and women to bring life either as mothers or singles in service to others. Equal not the same, there is a huge difference.

Mary always points to Jesus Many argue that she detracts from her Son because Catholics are looking at her. This is not the case. In all of her images and interactions with us she is calling us to follow her Son, into a deeper relationship with Him. From my own personal experience, the more I love her and ask her to pray for me in this journey to her Son the closer and closer I get to Him and the more I realize He loves me for me and that includes being a woman. I needn’t worry about loving her more than I should because I know that I could never love her more than Jesus does. When my son Joshua is snuggling me and telling me how much he loves me, I cannot help but think of these tender moments between our baby Lord and His mother. No, I cannot possibly love her more than He. What a beautiful thought, our God and Creator loved His mother(a woman) so tenderly as her babe!

The Catechism says: “This very special devotion differs essentially from the adoration which is given to the incarnate Word and equally to the Father and the Holy Spirit, and greatly fosters this adoration.”971 That means, she points to Father, Son and Holy Spirit as we have a relationship with her. That was her mission in her earthly life and it is in her eternal one.

Mary sacrificed herself Mary gave everything up to be the Lord’s mother. Her reputation, her safety and her home were lost to her with that single yes. The Holy Spirit had to convince Joseph to be her earthly guardian. The Holy Spirit, unlike Adam, was the spouse who protected His wife. Joseph responded faithfully, and thank you so much St. Joseph for saying yes. What a brave man! Remember they had to run away to Egypt leaving everything behind. Mary gave birth in a barn! They both lost their reputation and Mary could have been stoned! She gave everything up at the yes not to mention giving up her body to the growing baby inside her. Then she had to give up sleep to be a mother once the baby was born! Then she watched Him die on the cross for us sinners! The sacrifice never ended. She didn’t worry about her identity as a woman because she was wife and mom. She didn’t pine after the loss of a career and degree because she was a career mommy and her degree was in life! No, society has done a bang up job teaching women how to be self centered and selfish. Thank you, Mother Mary for trying to teach us the proper way to love our families. Eve brought us death, Mother Mary brought us life through her Son!(Catechism of the Catholic Church 494)

God didn’t just need a walking womb Many people say that Mary just happened to say yes. It was nothing special and God could have used any womb. Catholics do not believe that for a second. As humans, God has a special plan for us from the moment we are conceived and from that moment He prepares us for that mission. Hence, Mary’s Immaculate Conception (Catechism of the Catholic Church 491) and as a result our very clear stance on birth control and abortion. Here is the scriptural reference for this attitude.

Ps 139:13 For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
Ps 139:14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.

So, just like Mommy Mary, we were made for a purpose. I was wonderfully made, my womanhood and all!

Ok, so now that you know all this you can probably already tell how Catholicism helped me to see just how wonderful it is to be a woman! However, it wasn’t until I gave birth to our first son, Joshua, that I completely embraced the beauty and strength of womanhood in all its forms. I was finally given an understanding of the verse that had before offended me so much,

1Ti 2:15 But women will be saved through childbearing—if they continue in faith, love and holiness with propriety.

Holding my son in my arms the first time inspired me to be a better wife so that I could be a wonderful mother. I realized that I had to love Joshua’s father properly if Joshua was to fully know how much I loved him. I had to love Jesus more and more so that I could point my son in the right direction, the direction of our Lord. I had to love myself and how God created me and laid out this wonderful life completely if I was to teach my son that no matter what happens in life, no matter how the world tells you that you are useless, in fact, you are God’s perfect creation. As such He has a beautiful plan in your life. The first step in that plan was Joshua had to be male, a wonderful male. Just like I had to be female, a wonderful female!!

PS: I had a princess wedding and completely love being a Homemaker! My six year old self got her dream life, thank You, Jesus!

For an online Catechism of the Catholic Church click here.

The picture of Mother Mary and baby Jesus was taken from the Wiki entry on Madonna Art.

It's a Girl!

I was born a female, physically speaking. Psychology was teaching at the time and for many years after my birth, that gender was irrelevant to the emotional and spiritual development of a child. In some places it still is. The teaching is, essentially, you could teach a child to be “gender neutral.” Little boys don’t naturally want to play with cars and turn sticks into swords. Little girls don’t naturally want to nurture a baby doll or play dress up in princess clothes. It was a lie then and those who espouse this idea now are still lying. God created the genders equal but different. Each has a beautiful reason for being but as a society we will never find it if we keep trying to pretend the difference isn’t there. If we keep teaching our children that their innate way of being a girl or a boy is wrong how will they find their purpose?
I do not need to prove that I am as strong as a man, emotionally wired as a man or that I think like a man to prove that I am a beautiful woman created by God and as worthy of my life and freedom as a man. God created me to be unselfish, unconditionally loving, unending in pouring myself out for others, to be nurturing, compassionate and patient. He created me to be loved by Him and if it is my vocation, to create life with Him. If marriage is my vocation, He created me to be loved by a man as He Himself would love me. He created me to be a beautiful woman, physically, emotionally and spiritually. This is not less than a man; it is different from a man. Finally, after 30 years of searching the world over for the career that would fulfill me, searching for what my identity is, I have found it. I am His daughter, spouse, and mother; there is nothing on earth I would rather be.

Mk 3:35 Whoever does God’s will is my brother and sister and mother.”

However, the road has been long and hard. Even now as I am pregnant with Mark and I’s second child who may be a female I realize that God has to remove the last vestiges of the “I hate women” attitude I was given growing up.
How did you get there, Dani? How did you get to the point where you hated being a woman? Well, there were a number of reasons but I will single out the most significant. Husbands, how are you treating your wife, the mother of your daughter? If you can’t be bothered to love her unconditionally, sacrificially and in an edifying manner, then your daughter is watching you. If you say horrible things to your wife, your daughter hears them and those words are for her as well. If you refuse to help your wife when she needs it or say kind words to her regularly, your daughter isn’t getting the help she needs and is not hearing those words. She is watching you, she is deciding if being a female is beautiful in your eyes or useful. She is deciding if her entire being has any value to you. If you do not value her mother, nothing you will say or do to her is going to matter one wit! Daughters create their image of themselves based on the way their parents interact with one another. Just as the mother is showing the daughter how to be woman, the father is showing the daughter if being a woman is worth anything.
Wives, are you lifting up your husbands? Are you thankful for them? Do you try and make their life easier? Do you show appreciation for your husband in front of your children? Do you speak to your children of the great things about their daddy even when he is not around to hear? Your son is watching you, deciding if being man is worth anything? Do you strive to value the traits in yourself that are inherently female? Do you appreciate them in your daughter? When she brings you a wounded animal, do you help or tell her she is being ridiculous? When she wants another baby doll burped and diapered do you help, or ask her to play a different game, you are tired of that one? Does the fact that she wants to pretend to cook bother you to no end? How about when she wants to dress up as a princess? Do you point her in other directions because that is rubbish and no woman ever gets to be a princess?
Did you know that both of your children are watching the spouse of the opposite gender to decide what they want in a spouse when they are adults? Do you want them to be treated as you treat your wife or husband? Statistically speaking, your son and/or daughter will find the carbon copy of yourself. Is how you treat your spouse the best you want for them?
The bottom line is, husbands, do you treat your wives as the beautiful princess you envisioned when you married her? Wives, do you treat your husbands as the handsome princes you imagined as you strolled down the aisle? If not, your children know, they will assimilate the treatment as unto themselves and their gender. Do you want that for them? Many times as parents in this society we are taught that we must feed, cloth, educate and dump heaps of materialistic rubbish from the store on our children. However, that is not the truth. The truth is we must feed, cloth and educate our children. Most of that education comes from their observances of our ACTIONS not our words. This means you have to work at being how you want your son/daughter to be when they grow up. You cannot just tell them, you must be kind, self sacrificing, committed, responsible, loving, etc, because if you are not, they certainly will not. This is why Paul says, “Be imitators of Christ!” Don’t just read his words and teachings and then go on your way thinking he sounds like a great guy. Strive after becoming like Him! And don’t sigh and say, “You can’t teach an old dog new tricks.” That cliché is rubbish, I had an old dog I taught lots of new tricks and humans are not dogs. We were created to get sweeter with time just like wine. Why do you think Jesus talks about wine so much? We cannot do this without the Holy Spirit to guide us.
When I was 19 years old, I decided that I was going to remove the last remnants of anything female when I had my heart broken by who I thought was going to be my prince. He seemed to get over the loss of me so quickly that I decided I must be nothing short of a useless gender. My father had been teaching me that for years, however, I thought maybe he might be wrong so I tried dating. That experience solidified the lessons I grew up with. As a female I had no value to anyone. I would just learn how to be a man and what better way than to become a Marine? It was convenient that I felt God calling me to the Marines anyway. I shut down my heart completely until I only felt two things; anger and hate. Crying was never an option. I stopped caring about other people or trying to help them, all the men in my life were that way so I had to adopt that policy as well. I graduated boot camp trained to kill when necessary and was no longer afraid of a man hurting me. They could not hurt me emotionally or physically, ever again! The six year old who dreamed of a princess wedding and being a homemaker metamorphosed into the 20 year old who thought that she never wanted children or to be a homemaker, ever! That would just be a way for a man to use me!
Enter an officer’s wife and mother of five. She invited me to her house for a women’s bible study. I was assured that it wasn’t about how to be a better housewife and so I went. What I witnessed upon entering her home shocked me to the core and began a series of events that knocked down the giant walls I had built so high around me no one could get through. I watched her make lunch and orchestrate its consumption by five children. The oldest being six years old, spilt a glass of milk. His mother didn’t say a word, just smiled and said, “Accidents happen, I will clean it up and you will need to be very careful with the next glass.” To which the child smiled and said,
“Yes, mama.” She never got her dander up and I felt like she was the eye of a storm. Her husband, the Marine Officer, came in and the look he gave her even though she wasn’t looking stopped me in my tracks. He loved her, after all the years they had been married, all these kids they had made, all the craziness and moving and military. He really loved her. She grounded him and gave him peace. I saw all that in about 10 seconds. I don’t remember the bible study. God didn’t need me to retain the study, He wanted me to see her. He wanted me to see those children’s response to mamma. He wanted me to see a husband who loved and honored his wife. That United States Marine Officer clearly thought that women were valuable. The children thought that mamma rocked and they were so happy to see daddy. That United States Marine Officer hugged them, loved them, asked them how their day was going and listened. He asked his wife if she needed anything and asked her how she was doing. Even though there was company he gave her a quick kiss on the cheek amidst all the chaos. She was their center. A crack in my wall formed, only ever so slightly, it was enough for the Holy Spirit to move in.
Years of strong female friends who also loved the Lord was instrumental. My friend Melinda taught me that God thought I was wonderful and beautiful as a women. He didn’t need me to be married and make children to have value but if that was His plan for my life it would be beautiful. My friend Donna helped me through my journey into Catholicism and also showed me a healthy marriage and love for one’s husband. Even if that husband seemed really quirky(because I am really quirky so was worried about being too quirky to love forever), Donna told me she had her own quirks too! Was love in marriage about loving the other person even with their “faults?” Catholicism, itself, God began using to show me the beauty of womanhood, wifedom and motherhood. That will be another blog for another day, next week . . . .